I didn’t understand? What a generous and loving gift you gave your aunt, your presence and love during her final days. will (I think/hope) help me better help my beloved Popop in a more unselfish way. And you are not alone, I have many, many stories I could tell of elders behaving very badly toward their families and caregivers in the last years or months of their lives. I feel so blessed to have been there for her as she passed into heaven. Myself and my 11 daughter have recently became under fire from my grandmother for not returning her back to Oklahoma to live alone.. And as her condition decreases so does her fondness of us. I wonder, will there be any warning (gurgling; last deep breath/sigh) that the moment has finally come? I wondered if she waited for me to come back in the morning. A “ok, now what” feeling; shocked and dazed, even though the death was expected.Hi Amy, thank you for sharing that experience of your Mom’s death – I know it will help others. Her eyes were vacant and she was breathing quick, shallow breaths with her mouth open.
Today is day 7 of my vigil for my mother. I have elderly parents, so for the last 6 years, I have traveled back and forth. Your Dad’s suffering is over, and I believe he can hear you – so tell him outloud how much you love him. You could ask the doctor who examines your grandmother to refer her for a psychiatric social worker assessment to help you all come to some decisions about how to move forward. . He was calm the entire time and on regular doses of morphine and something else that was for nausea. But it sounds like you did all of the RIGHT things for your Mum because she was able to tell you what she wanted and participate in seeing her loved ones. I am his sole caregiver and I keep constant watch over him. Again, thank you for leaving such a heart felt note.Dear Meg, my heart is with you. That’s all everyone ever says to me.” I quietly said to him, “you have the choice to leave your body any time and go to a place where they only say yes.” And I kept reassuring him he could leave his body at any time.Whether they are asking to “go home” or not, I recommend that you, and everyone else participating in the vigil, tell the loved one that you are all fine and they can leave to “go home” anytime they want to or need to go.
Please take comfort in all of his days of being pain-free and comforted by the care you all provided that lead to that moment of death. Thank you for writing this, I took notes in the blank spaces of the pamphlet the hospice folks gave me earlier today. I won’t be as hard on myself. She took another breath and grimaced again, relaxed and then she was gone.Hi…my mom just passed a few weeks ago, after being unconscious for 10 days. We want to know how to tell if our loved one is in pain so we can get them the right pain medications. It is so important to sit and be present during and after a death. Thank you for giving me such helpful advice for easing her and me through this transition from one life to the next.Hi Jan, (March 2018) I am sorry for the loss of your mum and so very suddenly after she had been in hospital. The main idea of sitting vigil is to listen, stay present, and direct your energy and compassion to the one who is dying. May you, your family and your family in a tranquil environment and I pray for you all to be supported well by those around you.Steven, you are so welcome! Talking to him telling him you will be ok can be helpful.
I can’t think of a more selfless act than to be with a person during the dying process; thanks again for sharing this vital information!I appreciate the advice. But I think I did all the right things after reading this. I’m so glad you are welcoming hospice into the home to help you care for him.
This has been a hard journey watching her frail body waste away as 6 weeks ago she was walking without any aid. I watched a TV movie last night, in which someone said that life is hard, and someone else responded that so is birth and so is death. Thank you for sharing this terrible but beautiful experience with us all. I made sure that my dad (who lives in a long term care facility) came to visit, and that my husband and son, who couldn’t leave NV due to work and school commitments, talked to her on the phone. I have never heard of doing that but do believe in my heart that is what helped her to pass.
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Your Mom will still be with you in spirit and thought. There is much we do not know about the dying process. But yesterday, he had taken a turn for the worse so I got a train as soon as I could to be with him. I’ve been ready but I feel “what’s the catch?” . to feel that way. If you had held him constantly, maybe it would have made it harder for him to leave his body, a body that no longer supported his life. Relief that she was out of pain, and knowing that she hadn’t suffered long. We need to know …
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